Staring

What are you?
An optical illusion it seems
Instructed to stare for pictures to appear
But my eyes grow weak
And the tears build up
Choking on dense air
As I gasp for a scrap of understanding

What has become of you?
Smiles like clouds
Have changed their shape to fool
Once staring joyfully back
Now storms take form
And the water drenches to drown
As I reach out for a touch to save me

Who has brought you?
The logic of probability
Translates into a near impossible event
But yet I stand here watching
With no clear sense
Of what is up nor down
And no way of knowing the truth from lies

Why do you stay?
To taunt to laugh to tease
Since I no longer run with fervor
Only apathy transpires
Bricks glare back at me
Extracting my tears for stability
This wall I never intended on building is built

Where did you go?
The war you endured
Is only obvious to in your eyes
And with a shield
All is kept covered and kept away
And I talk to myself
Regardless of whom interpret judgments on themselves

Frowning Clown

Mid summer's heat but the air I breathe is cold
Surrounded by hundreds of people and so alone
I can speak their languages but no one speaks my own
My childhood a distant memory yet not full grown

Am I just going to be..
Is this what it's supposed to be..
Why can't I finish a thought.

Prison once favored me..
But I fought to be free..
Lost focus of what I sought.

In the calamity I can see the distant familiarities
Within my chaos I am in complete serenity
No expectations for you to understand this insanity
Don't be fooled by coherent talk there is no lucidity.

Tripped with nobody around
But still felt like a fool
This skin doesn't seem to fit anymore

I am the frowning clown
Bringing laughter to your town
Though I bear heartaches galore

Long Run

I'm fading out, the air is getting thin
I'm not allowed to quit, but I want to give in
They say I'm not alone (feed me more lies)
Because the consequences, will be only mine

In the long run, it'll be worth it
But it's this long run that's killing me
Yes I'm crying all this self pity
I've never - claimed to be pristine

My chest tightens and my eyes blur
Smiles I see are awkward and absurd
They laugh now with each complaint
Please don't patronize me and my pain

In the end, all will be well
What is this end where does it hide
Each day I work and harder I try
Mask out fears harbored inside

Their face is fuzzy and sounds are mute
Silence surrounds me I've no clue
How am I supposed to handle this
Tired of beating these bloody fists

In the long run, it'll be worth it
But it's this long run - that's killing me.