Cycles

I looked at the sky and saw a rainbow
But it hasn't rained in weeks
Is it a sign of things finally coming to a halt
Or will I be back at the beginning of the mess

Roller coaster are fun, exciting, the rush
But what happens when you can't get off
The sky keeps swirling and I breathe in the clouds
Rule the world and instantly praying to drown

Stop talking about me! I can see your eyes scream!
I control you, bow down and obey..
Let's go shopping, forget your worries
Who was that and why won't she leave

Rarely do I appear in everyday life
This is becoming a habit, not my own
I am weakened, slowly disappearing
Because everyone likes her better

Unpilled tomorrow

I'm guilty of I don't know what
But it must have been bad
Because I can't shake the feeling
That my time is not my own
You take normal for granted
What I'd give to unpill myself
Living on borrowed time
Why else would my mind
Work so strongly against me
That it must be constantly
Sedated and manipulated

Unskipping Stone

A culmination of intrusions is what this life's become

Again disguised disgusted distinguished by the faulter

These things I see yelling fleeing smiling

Living in the now then future

Breathing the pollution of the past present

One day the scale will tip

I apologize ahead of time

Because clear enough I am in thought

That I fear the psychic abilities I acquired

Never ending ripple this stone that did not skip

Too heavy to play too plain to keep

With thorns that pierce unapologetically

Made of materials that do not add up

I sink you sigh 

Disregard what you don't understand

Not worth the energy to decipher

Running water ran so hot, to the point it felt like ice
It overflowed, to drown this soul, wouldn't that be so nice
Glaciers melt, mountains move, no mirror knows my name
Hopeless it seems, for time to stand still, nothing is the same

What a wonder it would be, if I could turn off my thoughts
To close my eyes and into a deep sleep take off
But my mind's not that simple, what I know I can't erase
Fighting those "snakes with knives" I won't win that race

My heart is full of sorrows, my pain is manifest
My legs walking in circles, my eyes could use some rest
My soul weighs so heavy, my hands tremble and shake
My words are a stutter, my mind's seeded with hate

Convenience, I fit your plan
Ignorant, I was to the facts
I was an option, you were my only choice
I can't stop crying, to the sound of your voice

Who knows, how long, these days, will culminate
I'll try, but for how long, to-day, we're testing fate
The water runs deep and my blood's boiling
In between tears I see someone's truth unfolding

Sweet sorrow, with a vengeance you have returned
Will my compassion be kicked to the curb?
I want to move on and say all is well
But with each burning tear I wish you to hell

Trees stand strong, roots run deep, engulf me, would you please
Leaves of fall, so beautiful, come bury me, oh come bury me
Sun so bright, with your heat, turn me to ashes so I may sleep
Wind come strong, blow me away, spread my ashes across city streets

Masked

I want you to know, but I don't want to have to tell you
I want you to understand without me saying a word
I want you to hear my thoughts without me speaking
Is that too much to ask of you, Is that too much to wish for?

The truth it hurts, more sometimes than the lying
And truth be told, there are things I haven't told you
My anger stems from years of so much crying
And I fake these smiles for the pain to be ignored

It hurts to think I know you'll never truly know me

My hearts walled off, there's no sense in trying
Most days I wake, to a stranger's reflection
My mind's made up, there's no use in fighting

I keep shutting you out, and I've hidden the key
Actions speak louder than words, come find me

I can be very frustrating, difficult, and senseless it seems
But this is the only life I have, and no one will protect me 'cept me

I made you out to be per-fect
I made you out to be a fairy-tale
I made you out to be my sa-vior
I allowed myself to be so-frail

I fell without a net

Like Alice falling for hours
Excitement surmounted
But you weren't there

Wishing Things Were Simpler

If my tears could spell out the words I wish to say
Oh how easy it'd be for you to understand me
If my tears could sing the song of my heartaches
Oh then you would see what is happening to me

There are not enough words to properly describe
The minute changes I go through in this life
Stepping stones hardly know Who I'll be today
Will anyone really bother to recognize my face

If my silent stares could be translated
Oh how happy you'd be to know what's bothering me
If my gasping breath had a breakable code
Oh how accomplished you'd feel to get inside of me

But things aren't so simple I'm not what you'd expect
An open book you have before you but not in English
A little leg work to put out, aren't I worth that?
And just when you think you got it, you won't be done yet.

Staring

What are you?
An optical illusion it seems
Instructed to stare for pictures to appear
But my eyes grow weak
And the tears build up
Choking on dense air
As I gasp for a scrap of understanding

What has become of you?
Smiles like clouds
Have changed their shape to fool
Once staring joyfully back
Now storms take form
And the water drenches to drown
As I reach out for a touch to save me

Who has brought you?
The logic of probability
Translates into a near impossible event
But yet I stand here watching
With no clear sense
Of what is up nor down
And no way of knowing the truth from lies

Why do you stay?
To taunt to laugh to tease
Since I no longer run with fervor
Only apathy transpires
Bricks glare back at me
Extracting my tears for stability
This wall I never intended on building is built

Where did you go?
The war you endured
Is only obvious to in your eyes
And with a shield
All is kept covered and kept away
And I talk to myself
Regardless of whom interpret judgments on themselves

Frowning Clown

Mid summer's heat but the air I breathe is cold
Surrounded by hundreds of people and so alone
I can speak their languages but no one speaks my own
My childhood a distant memory yet not full grown

Am I just going to be..
Is this what it's supposed to be..
Why can't I finish a thought.

Prison once favored me..
But I fought to be free..
Lost focus of what I sought.

In the calamity I can see the distant familiarities
Within my chaos I am in complete serenity
No expectations for you to understand this insanity
Don't be fooled by coherent talk there is no lucidity.

Tripped with nobody around
But still felt like a fool
This skin doesn't seem to fit anymore

I am the frowning clown
Bringing laughter to your town
Though I bear heartaches galore

Long Run

I'm fading out, the air is getting thin
I'm not allowed to quit, but I want to give in
They say I'm not alone (feed me more lies)
Because the consequences, will be only mine

In the long run, it'll be worth it
But it's this long run that's killing me
Yes I'm crying all this self pity
I've never - claimed to be pristine

My chest tightens and my eyes blur
Smiles I see are awkward and absurd
They laugh now with each complaint
Please don't patronize me and my pain

In the end, all will be well
What is this end where does it hide
Each day I work and harder I try
Mask out fears harbored inside

Their face is fuzzy and sounds are mute
Silence surrounds me I've no clue
How am I supposed to handle this
Tired of beating these bloody fists

In the long run, it'll be worth it
But it's this long run - that's killing me.

Alley Strolling

Asking for directions, but my mouth does not move

Can anyone understand the sounds my eyes make?

I'm looking around, but there are no translators,

Each step gets louder, and the darkness muffles my words.

I feel the humid air glazed onto my skin

My breath deepens and tears perplex their thoughts

Perceptions deceive the talking heart
And ready are the culprits to take full advantage
Fingers make love to strings, palms dance upon drums
And the mind travels to timeless times
Here my night proceeds taking cue from no one
Jealousy rings loudly upon soulless ears
Satisfaction is a myth to their bellies
My hands reach out and grasp the smoke
Of burnt out fires whose scent is all but gone
Where am I going...

Hero In

Staring at the needle stuck in my arm
Waking up to fuzzy memories
Scent of sweat in the air is unfamiliar
And I can't seem to move my legs

Light pierces my eyes mercilessly
Jackhammers deafen my ears
There must be a door somewhere
Footsteps are slowly approaching

Then some lips make my neck their home
And soon enough they find mine
Instincts take over and I follow
As I breathe in memories of the night


Questions become jarbled pictures
Answers all seem irrelevent
Lost time now forever forgotten
Let me enjoy this fog I'm in


Heavy weight lifted via single injection
Unsolicited pleasures fill my chest
The butterflies are free to escape now
But instead they continue chaotically


Dangerous lines have been crossed
When dreams blend nightmares together
Time will show as wrinkles do age
Of what is to become of all this