Sunday, October 9, 2011

Thoughts I won't put on my status but will in my blog

Do you ever wonder if your life was a mistake? Like all the good things that you have are actually meant for someone else and you just accidentally got it instead. #Imamistake

I want to stop existing a lot of times, but having my family keeps me here. #suicide

I listen to depressing music when I'm depressed so I can feel more depressed. #wayoflife

I lie to myself on a daily basis. #selfhate

I usually feel really stupid, so I like when I find out I'm smarter than someone.  #insecurenarcissist

There are very few days that pass by that I don't fantasize about cutting myself...again. #cutter

I've been clinically diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type I.  I get severely depressed if I'm not on my meds and I have extreme hallucinations of people turning into demons.  #paranoidpsycho

I have no enemies... I wish I did. #selffulfilledprophecy

I want to be a good Christian woman.. but I want to hate people. #confused

I'm scared of being angry at God. #religion

I'm in love with a man that loves me more than I love myself. #selfloathe

Since I can't be thankful, I pretend I am. #fakeittilyoumakeit

I'm ashamed of most of the things on this page. #realme

1 comment:

  1. I don't know what it's like to be bipolar. But I know the depression part. It's awful. I'm grateful that my mom raised me Catholic, otherwise I would not be here. For years before I went to sleep I would pray not to wake up. For God to just take me.... And now I feel lucky that I didn't. The other day I was laying in bed thinking about after I had Wyatt, I could do it. Rid Jeff of my problems. Then I thought again, there's no way I could abandon either of them.
    You are such a good friend to me. I feel closer to you than any of my friends here. There are days that I don't know how I would have made it with you. And how dumb is it that when you talk about different places you've applied to I feel sad that you will be going even further away?
    I know things are hard for you, but it will get better. You just have to keep fighting to get out of the trench. I wish I could make it better for you.

    As far as being a mistake.. God does not play dice with the universe.- Einstein

    You are a lot braver than I am, I would never put in writing the things I'm ashamed of.